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In the Depths... - A Short Story by Seriah

I wrote this piece back in the mid-90's. I thought it might appeal to some of you that listen to this show, so I am publishing it again. It was inspired in part by a lost friend of mine. A friend named Annie I had in Poland. Reading a letter she had written me, and remembering a dream I had, resulted in this...

 

In the Depths.jpg

Words are just words... It’s what’s hidden beneath that matters. And if you look deep enough, you may find a whole new world of meaning. The surface is only a reflection. Just like reality. Remember, man is just a part of nature, not the other way around...

In The Depths...
By Seriah Azkath

I stand alone on this icy plain... Over the next crest is a jungle. Hot, steamy, wet...

Of course, I really sit here on this rock, looking out over this calm, moonlit lake. I take in its beauty. The moon plays upon the smooth surface in such mysterious ways. And sometimes something moves. Just below the water.

Almost to the jungle now...

I try to ignore the movements... The rock I rest upon is within the lake. Just in front of me the rock floor drops off rapidly. It’s cool out here. This wonderful sight is all that really matters... What better paradise than to lose oneself in it? A oneness with the natural flow...

Instead, I wander this snow-covered wasteland looking for a meaning for it all... Why the snow? Why the cold? The isolation? The pain? But, no matter how far I trek, all I ever find is more snow and ice and loneliness... And, occasionally, the jungle.

There is a shape just below the surface in front of me. I can’t make it out exactly... I look away. I notice the ripples of something breaking the surface. I don’t want to look, but I’m drawn to it...

I stand in this dense and humid jungle... Alone?

Eyes. They look at me. I think they’re eyes. I can’t see them quite right. Maybe it’s just a trick of the water? It could just be the moonlight creating an illusion. I may be looking at something perfectly ordinary, and the shape beneath the eyes, well, it could just be a shadow...

It’s harder to move here in the jungle. More dangerous terrain, and more obstacles. I almost miss the snow... Almost miss the perfect plainness of it. No real surprises. And yet, in its sameness, it’s all unique and different... Almost a mundane marvel. But here... Things are not quite what they seem. And anything could be hiding just up ahead. And it would be so easy for someone to hide and watch me without my ever knowing. But I do know...

I want to touch it. I want to see if it’s real. But I’m afraid. What if it is real? What then? If I close my eyes, would it still look the same when I reopen them? Would it even be there? I close my eyes... The sounds and smells are as beautiful as the sight. A very slight breeze on my skin... So wonderful. I open my eyes. It is still there. It still looks the same. It still looks at me... I know it would let me leave. I could just walk away and go home. But I want to know...

This always happens. It’s like a cruel joke. From this spot here, I can see something different. Like a nice forest. But, when I try and reach it, I lose it. I end up on the icy plain once again. Someone sits and laughs at my dilemma. I know they do. Well, maybe for once, instead of pushing onward, I’ll just sit here, on this damp ground, with all the bugs and other creatures, and stop. And I’ll just stay here until someone gives me a good reason to move on. I don’t think they could. So, I would just stay here and rot and join the vulgar soil around me... And the parasites would feast on my flesh, and the scavengers would eat my eyes...

I want to touch it, to see if I touch only water... But I can’t. I see myself doing it, but I can’t make my hand obey. The fear petrifies me. How long will it stay there? There is a spark somewhere deep inside... And this time, finally, I seize it. I reach out, gently, into the water...

I can sense someone, or something, watching. I don’t think that my sitting here is amusing them. Too bad. I’m tired of this game. I’m tired of being alive. Or, at least, I’m tired of being alone...

My hand touches water, and where there were eyes and a shadow a moment ago, there seems to be nothing but water now. Where did it go? Back to the dark depths from whence it came? It was an illusion. But my hand tingles... Almost like there’s an aura of invisible energy around it. It seems almost unreal to me. I study it, but I can’t seem to figure out what’s so unusual about it... It’s just my hand. The sensation spreads slowly, until it moves through every part of my body. It brings on a feeling of Joy that is completely ineffable. Everything looks even more beautiful... I sense more movement under the water...

The jungle is suddenly quiet. Why? I’ve never experienced this before. Maybe I should move on... NO! I will stay right here! I don’t care what happens. Destroy me and dance on my corpse for all I care! But this existence, as it is, can no longer be endured. Come forth and tell me your name!

It is truly wonderful, this feeling! There is a figure on the far shore. I stay perfectly still and observe its movement... I can sense its attention on me, but it acts as if it’s oblivious to my presence. And how could it know I was here, such a distance away, when I’ve not made a sound, nor moved? Somehow, I know that it is there just for me to see... All of this is just for me to take in! Yes... I stand alone here, in this wondrous world! The shadow slips back into the night... A voice from behind startles me out of my quiet reverie. There is the silhouette of a slight woman on the shore. “I didn’t know anyone else was out here, I’m sorry if I scared you...”, she spoke in such a beautiful voice. Was she the figure that I saw on the other side of the lake? No, of course not. It would be impossible for her to reach this side of the lake in such a short period of time...

The jungle seems hazy... So deadly quiet... Suddenly, there is movement. Something moving quickly through the underbrush, maybe? But, what? It stops. Maybe I should leave. No. I’ve gone too far now, I can’t just continue on. I will sit here and wait and see what comes.

“It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it?”, she says to me.
“Ah... Yes.”, I say, still feeling a bit euphoric.
“Are you alright? You look kind of dazed.”
“Yes, I’m fine, I just... Ah... Well, nothing...”
“I see, well, do you want some company out there?”
“I guess so... Actually, that would be rather nice...”

An Evil-looking snake peers at me from a few feet away. I can do nothing but stare at it. It’s long and thin. It appeared right in front of me, but it moved so quickly that I hadn’t even noticed right away. It’s bright red with jagged black marks along its back... I know it’s going to bite me and there will be nothing that I can do to prevent it. And then I will die. I know this is my fate, my punishment for my rebelling against this monotony. And, looking almost like a flame when it strikes, the snake proves me correct. And just before the venomous bite, I whisper, “I hope you choke...”

We spoke without really speaking about anything in particular... Dreams and pain and hope and love and hate and despair... I felt so very comfortable, like I could tell her anything and she’d understand, and she told me things and I knew she felt the same way. We never introduced ourselves. I know not her name or age or anything else mundane or ordinary. We spoke about emotions and experiences, but did so in a language like that of dreams... I even told her about the things in the water. She told me that they were friendly and not to fear them. She is beautiful in the moonlight... Long, straight, blondish hair and green eyes. Her body is proportioned perfectly. I fail to find a single flaw in her being...

I will not move. I awoke in the forest. I know if I move I will dispel the illusion and find that I’m really in some abysmal crack of Hell. Thus, I will not move. Ever. This is better than the jungle or the icy plain. I can smell the nature all around me and hear the animals in the woods. It’s not very hot nor is it very cold. It’s almost... Nice? Pleasant? I wonder if they are still watching me...

That’s odd. I saw her step in the water to come over here, but her boots are very dry... I ask her about it. She tells me that they must have dried while we’ve been speaking. Time did seem to lose all mean while we’ve been conversing... I guess it’s a reasonable explanation. She didn’t seem too surprised by the observation. Doesn’t matter... Was it almost morning yet? It seems that the moon should have moved much farther than it has... I can’t remember, has it moved at all? Something’s not right. I think I’m losing that wonderful feeling. I’m starting to feel ‘normal’ again... I don’t want this night to end. I feel that this will never happen again... She places her hand on my knee, and tells me how blissful it’s been spending this time together. I don’t want it to end... Any of it! She gets up and walks over to the shore, clearly stepping in the water... Her boots still look dry... “Nothing really ends, does it? And if tonight was really so perfect, and if it really moved you, then it will be with you forever, won’t it?” , she laughs. Something about her reminds me of the things under the water, but I don’t know why... “Wait, where are you going? Don’t leave yet...”, I feel kind of sluggish... I’m having difficulty getting up... She pauses, “Leave? I’ve always been here, and I always will. You will see me again... But for now we have different worlds to tend to. Remember, this is all just for you...”, she pans her arm about to indicate our beautiful surroundings, “All of it, just for you alone to ingest and admire and assimilate... But also remember, you are not really alone. You know that now, don’t you? In these few spots where nature still intrudes, you will always have friends... We’ll dance in the circles for you, and someday, maybe, you’ll come and dance with us...”, and, with that, she disappears into the darkness...

A deer walks up to me. It looks at me, rather puzzled. Then, it continues on. I want to jump around. I want to scream at the top if my lungs just to prove that I’m really here. I’m alive. I’m somewhere new. And I want to enjoy it. I stand up. So far, everything remains the same... There’s a colorful mushroom growing next to a large, dark, twisted tree. For some reason it captures my interest. I kneel by it, and look it over carefully... Nothing extraordinary, really, but yet... A feeling is creeping up inside me. I’ve never felt this before... I want to dance and sing and laugh! This is so novel to me! So different! Suddenly, I realize that I can hear music in the distance. A white rabbit looks at me from nearby. “How odd”, I think to myself. Not because I’m seeing a rabbit, but because it’s a white rabbit, and as everyone knows, white rabbits don’t really exist... “This truly is an unusual place!”, I say aloud for all to hear. I wonder what I should do next... But that is really a mere formality. I know quite well that I will follow that mystical music floating through the air, and when I find the source, I will dance and jump and scream and sing... And I will not be alone anymore.

Across the lake, the figure reappears from the night. I know it’s only been an instant since she left me. The shadow waves and I wave back to her. She fades back again into the darkness. I can sense no more movement under the water...

“A society where the simple many obey the few seers, can live; A society where all were seers could live even more fully... But a society where the mass is still simple and the seers are no longer attended to can achieve only superficiality, baseness, ugliness, and, in the end, extinction. On or back we must go; to stay here is death.” 
* C.S. Lewis, Miracles (Pg. 43)
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